Studious.

[sajith]

At Goa, last year, studying a restaurant menu. Photo by abdul_rafeeq. If I could concentrate that hard on the textbooks, I believe I would have been doing much better now. (It's my bloody silly journal, so I should be allowed to get away with this kind of narcissism once in a while, dear beautiful people.)

Now that the picture has stated something, I could proceed with the remaining pointlessness.

We went to Kottayam over the weekend. On Friday night, through the train window, I stared at full-moon landscapes. Until the stealthy sleep came over and gently closed my eyes. (Once at Kottayam, we kept the Mallu flags flying in the toddy shops of Kumarakam, etc.) On the way back, all our eight seats were at eight different places in three different compartments. To fight potential boredom, I picked up old Richard Bach from the book stall. The Bridge Across Forever, it's called.

Tonight, it's been raining hard outside. I could not go home, so thought I'd abuse the bandwidth and the blockquote.

"I distance everybody, wook! It's not that it's you, it's that I don't let anyone let too close to me. I never want to get attached to anybody."

"Why?" There had been annoyance in her voice. It was happening more often now. Without warning, the talks we had would jump the tracks and she'd be mad at me for the smallest thing. "What's so terrible about getting attached to someone?"

Because I might make a huge investment of hope in one human being and then lose it all. I assume that I know who she is and then I find out that she's somebody else entirely and I have to go back to the drawingboard redesigning again and after a while I conclude there's no one I can fully know except myself and that's pretty iffy. The only thing I can trust anyone else is to be true to who they are and if they're going to explode into strange angers now and then the best thing to do is to stand back a bit so as not to get torn in the blast. Isn't that obvious, clear as yesterday?

"Because then I'm not quite so independent as I want to be," I said.

She had tilted her head and looked at me carefully. "Are you telling me the highest truth you know?"

There are moments, I thought, when having a mind-reader for a best-friend is uncomfortable, indeed.

He's been good so far. I'm told it's crappy towards the end. I'll risk that anyway.

(No one should accuse me of being coherent, to-the-point, etc., from now on, ok?)

Comments

[mat-attack.livejournal.com]

Studious? Bah, trying to find a veggie dish in an all non veg more likely.

Nice pic though.

[sajith.livejournal.com]

You know, you have this talent to see through people. Keep practicing !

[locks.livejournal.com]

I started on the book and then somehow dropped it mid-way... Somehow his questions have very obvious answers.. or so I thought.

[sajith.livejournal.com]

I finished reading it last night. I disliked it towards the end, where it turned to be an unbearable mush lump. I think our mythology and folklore has better, more universal, questions and answers, but that'd be another longer discussion.

[locks.livejournal.com]

I agree. Somehow, I felt that the main character was a bit too spoilt by his own supposed independence when in truth, he was so chained to his ideas of independence... You're right, it is another discussion.

[meghadutam.livejournal.com]

Hhmm. I swear this snap has me just floating. :)

[sajith.livejournal.com]

Why ? And why are you in the internets at this time ? :)

[meghadutam.livejournal.com]

I was just trying to finish something by a deadline. Needless to say I managed only 80%. Slept at 4, and woke at 6. My head feels like it's being eaten by termites inside. Oh Sajith - that dog userpic is going to find you a lady I tell you. Everytime I look at it - I just want to sit and ruffle the dog's head.

[sajith.livejournal.com]

Ah, the lovely sound of deadlines wooshing by... :)

Are you saying that I could use the dog picture as my lady catching trap ? But why just one ? ;-)

[indumol.livejournal.com]

saare, pics evide? awaiting pics from
1. Chembara
2. Kumarkom
By the way Happy Bealted Birthday, was sick, that's why forgot! What did you do, don't tell me worked slowly, so worked the whole day! :)

[sajith.livejournal.com]

Slowly slowly the pictures will develop themselves. Swalpa wait maadi. But please, have no expectations !

I didn't even remember until friends called up to greet :)

[indumol.livejournal.com]

patienceoooo adu enikyu parayitilla! god! did you get that!

[sajith.livejournal.com]

Okay, but stop calling me god :-P

[indumol.livejournal.com]

blaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah

[maxaud.livejournal.com]

If i remember correctly, this and One deal mostly with his "soulmate" monologues.

[sajith.livejournal.com]

Haven't read One. I'm cynical about this soulmate idea, and I'm disappointed with the end. Sigh, Jon Seagull was so good...

[maxaud.livejournal.com]

So am i. cynical abt the soulmate part that is. but back when i was reading it, i thought the guy was reading my mind ;-).

You will like Illusions. After reading JLS and Illusions, the rest of his works are more or less letdowns.

[sajith.livejournal.com]

Have read Illusions, and kind of liked it too. Maybe that's why I'm disappointed. But I had no expectations when I picked up this one - I just thought I'd need this one for the journey.

[zeeshanmn.livejournal.com]

Bach gets too much into self-indulgence. I mean writing an autobiography involving his love life in light and the path to blah...doesn't interest me. Illusions was somewhat okay, till he killed the book with the last disclaimer about everything in the book not being true.

[sajith.livejournal.com]

Illusions was ok, Jonathan Livingston Seagull was super ok. I could stand the self-indulgence and his levitation and out-of-body fantacies, but the intense mush towards the end was just not bearable. (Occasional spots in the beginning did resonate, though.) Maybe he too had deadlines and an audience to appease :)

[zeeshanmn.livejournal.com]

Yes I agree, Bach is okay for reading in college, when one is 18 - 19 ;-). Thanks for the email, I thought it was a paid entry.

[sajith.livejournal.com]

Precisely, that's when I read those !

Entry is by annual membership, I think that is okay. You get to watch a really good choice of movies round the year, which is a good thing.

[zeeshanmn.livejournal.com]

So am I allowed in or do I have to take membership first? If I am there, I would take membership. Wot say u?

[sajith.livejournal.com]

Membership is needed. I would happily recommend Collective Chaos - though I wish the kind of interactions there was better. BFS, I could never make to a screening, but from the noise they make, it appears to be a rather intimate, fun group.

on a Bach spree

[indumol.livejournal.com]

When I was in junior college I was on one Bach spree, had read Illusions and Jonathan Livingston Seagull and then thgt of reading this one. Then the little money that I had was always saved for accessorising myself, any extravangant spending was for a friend who clebrates her birthday today in a nunnery in North Kerala. She bought the book from the street, none of us read it, couldn't get through the first few pages... she soon lent it off to someone and it came back with a few pages missing. Now when I think of the book and her, what we thgt about life or what we wanted from it was so similar and now she has a different calling (God) and mine I don't know what that is.

Re: on a Bach spree

[sajith.livejournal.com]

Hmm. Reading two most popular books of a rather prolific author is far from what I call a "spree" :-P (In the same cynical spirit, I'd say that all these new age philo writers are taking us for a ride. I'm still thinking about that. If I could figure it out, I can become one and make some good cash !)

Re: on a Bach spree

[indumol.livejournal.com]

Listen I am going to give you run for your money if you make it as a philo writer, I think I can make a good one! :P

[(Anonymous)]

Happy belated B-day! I'm sorry i didn't remember this time. I know you don't care too much for birthdays at this point. I would have shared some paayasam with you...;^)
I enjoyed that dialogue from the Bach book. It reminded me of so many individuals i know who wouldn't even dare to own a pet because they might lose it. Of mad women who wouldn't dare ask and understand. Of men who would scare away love because it makes them vulnerable. It reminds me of that song by Seal "....no we're never gonna survive unless we get a little crazy...." An then i look at that unsuspecting dog in your user pic,thinking of all the love it could have if people weren't so scare to do it....getting to the blah realm here.....don't pay attention....

Be well!

Marleny

[sajith.livejournal.com]

Thanks. True, I don't care anymore, but paayasam anytime sounds good :)